Hold the phone

Naomi Campbell is throwin' phones again. Here's my question-- when can I start throwing my cell phone at people because they say things that annoy me? Can you imagine? My BlackBerry would be flying through the air at an amazing rate, on the regular.

Naomi Campbell rages (again): While she was supposed to be on "Oprah" filming a cooking segment on Thursday, Naomi Campbell was being taken to a Manhattan police station after being arrested for felony assault. The alleged crime? Throwing a phone -- either a plain Nokia or a jewel-encrusted BlackBerry -- at her housekeeper's head. Anna Scolavino, 41, was taken to a hospital Thursday morning for the gash in her head; Campbell was arrested and then released several hours later. (See the QuickTime video here, in which an off-camera woman yelling at Campbell can only think of one question: "Naomi!! What are you wearing?"). If convicted, she could face up to seven years in prison. Campbell has a bit of history mixing anger and phones: In 2000, she pleaded guilty to hitting a personal assistant with a phone and was ordered to take anger management classes; in 2001, another employee accused her of hurling a phone at her, though no charges were filed. (TMZ, N.Y. Daily News, N.Y. Post)

Oh, and for those of you (and you know who you are) that are curious about Ms. Campbell's true age, her official website give her birthdate as 5/22/70. *ahem*

Just "Crackish"?

Okay, everybody is talking about Whitty and what's wrong with her:

Hopelessly addicted, paranoid and now broke, too: The Whitney Houston downward spiral of shame continues its fascinating spin with the news that she's totally broke. On the heels of Wednesday's big National Enquirer story, Fox 411 writes that Houston -- who had a string of Top 10 singles from 1985 through 2001 -- has heavy mortgages on her homes and is about to be sued by a former landlord. "There's no money," says an insider. "She's really broke." The site parses how it could be that a singer with Houston's stable of hits could suddenly find herself penniless -- not enough touring, a series of recent flops, no rights to many of her own songs -- and points out another sad aspect of the whole debacle: She could lose custody of her daughter, who's currently staying with a relative. "Even though Bobbi Kristina lives away from home, there will no doubt be a new investigation based on the Enquirer story," writes the site. "If 50 percent of the report is deemed true, Houston and Brown could easily lose their daughter for good." (Fox 411, National Enquirer)

Anyone who saw Being Bobby Brown (which Bravo actually renewed) realizes the depth of the problem there. Huggy Lowdown reported that she keeps losing her false teeth, and that's freaking everyone out; she supposedly smokes "huge rocks" with her sister-in-law. Everyone has been watching the trainwreck since she and Bobby got married . . . it's sad to hear that Bobbi Kristina could be a casualty, but you know other people's children have been taken away for considerably less.

Do Gooders Unite!

Manna 5K Fun Run/ Walk 2006

Not her again . . .

Yes, I admitted to y'all that I am a reality addict but could we please, please, please leave the little reality hamsters in their own little reality universes?

Kristin Cavalleri from Laguna Beach is the numbah one stunnah on my list of reality peeps who need to call it a day! I am soooo tired of this chick and the USWeekly plot to insert her into the Nick & Jessica (barely stars in the "real" universe themselves) drama. Yes, she did say that Jessica was her favorite fashion icon, and I guess I can imagine that if I was a blonde-haired, brown-eyed spoiled li'l rich girl from Laguna, whose Dad feels so sorry that I've had to drive the family 4X4 lo these many years that he buys her a bright white X5, I would wanna be super-shopper Jessica Simpson too. Kristen, if you keep at it, you too may one day be searching a restaurant on camera for your Amex Black card, wondering where you could possibly have dropped it since it's practically an extra appendage. That said, there is absolutely no reason for US Weekly to run a story on her "stealing" Jessica's poses. For the paparazzi. At like, "C" level appearances. Are you kidding me with this?

There is no reason to give this girl a TV show of her own; thank goodness UPN canned her after two episodes. Can you go away now, please?

Still in the running

I picked UCLA vs. UConn for the NCAA finals . . . and I'm happily still in the running (don't get me started on the UCONN loss-- unlike some people I was not rooting for upsets this year). I had to represent for the PAC-10; we all knew that Cal would wash out pretty quickly. As much as I loved being a Golden Bear I have to admit that we should stick to the pursuit of Nobels and leave the athletics to the better equipped teams on the West Coast. So . . . Go Bears--eh I mean-- Bruins!

He's awake!

Heretofore I have avoided referencing the Sopranos because I was reluctant to speculate about David Chase’s journey into Tony’s mind— I know a lot of hardcore fans have been disappointed with the coma storyline, but I actually liked it, and all of the subtext associated with it. It was also interesting to see the attendant posturing and antics from his crew (I mean, you knew Paulie Walnuts wouldn’t be able to resist some kind of caper).

I thought last night’s episode was a good way/time to bring Tony back, and I’ve actually enjoyed his “other” life as Kevin Finnerty, the salesman lost in California suburbia. The penultimate moment for me, of course, was the slap fight with the Buddhist monk—only the mind of David Chase would bring you the rich duality of anger and violence coming from someone devoted to the “middle way”!

I’ll tell you what I am absolutely over—Lorraine Bracco’s nasally Nembutal-induced drawl. I was acutely aware that she has to speak slowly and carefully to mask her natural Noo Yawk accent, and I think she thinks that this will make us think that she is NOT an ex-model, but actually a well-qualified and educated shrink. Honestly, it just makes me remember that Lorraine Bracco is not only an ex-model that got into a real-life slap fight with ex-man Harvey Keitel’s new chickie while they were embroiled in a custody and support fight over daughter Stella, but that she also showed up three sheets to the wind on the Tonight Show and talked about it at length. Weirdo! That said, it was nice to see Carmella in the hot seat, talking about the complexity of her relationship with Tony and finally acknowledging outright that she loves, loves, loves all the goodies that her husband’s profession affords her (bright white Porsche Cayenne, anyone?) and is a complicit Lady Macbeth of dynamic proportions.

Any ideas about future plotlines? Let me hear your thoughts . . .

9/11 Hoax?

Charlie Sheen, a world reknown expert on both foreign and domestic policy had this to say about 9/11:

Sheen's conspiracy theories: During an interview on Wednesday on the GGN Radio Network program "The Alex Jones Show," Charlie Sheen aired his own skepticism over the official story of what happened on 9/11, suggesting the U.S. government may be covering up what "really" happened. "It seems to me like 19 amateurs with boxcutters taking over four commercial airliners and hitting 75 percent of their targets, that feels like a conspiracy theory," said Sheen. "It raises a lot of questions. A couple of years ago, it was severely unpopular to talk about any of this. It feels like from the people I talk to, and the research I've done and around my circles, it feels like the worm is turning." Saying also that the destruction of the Twin Towers looked like "controlled demolition," Sheen called for a thorough investigation: "It is up to us to reveal the truth. It is up to us because we owe it to the families, we owe it to the victims, we owe it to everyone's life who was drastically altered, horrifically, that day and forever. We owe it to them to uncover what happened." (Page Six)

I'm really glad he's on the case. I know he, Denise, Emilio, and Martin have probably had some long deep conversations about the issue, and I'm glad to hear that he's been researching it extensively. In his circles. With other (as Livia Soprano would say) degenerate gamblers. 'Cause you know . . . that's an untapped source.

Reality Re-Caps and musings ('cause you know i'm an addict)

Yes, it's true, I watch lots and lots of reality televsion: it started with tuning into the original Real World New York, on MTV lo those many years ago, when reality was just an excuse to lower your production budget and get away with trying out weird cinema verite jump cuts and interspersing Duran Duran video cliches to the delight of Gen-Xers everywhere.

So many years later I realize that the Real World was just a gateway show, and that there is so much in the marketplace it's really hard to choose: do I want to see something uplifting, something psycho, something funny, some great feat, some amazing skill? What do I want? It seems it's all out there. I could watch Survivor, and see a bunch of people so attached to their alpha dog statuses that they let a beta slip through to win; I could watch Project Runway and see all of the folks bullied for being "different" in high school get the validation they have searched for all of their lives; I could watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition, and get a guaranteed boo-hoo ugly cry moment, as some truly deserving family recieves the granite countertop that dreams are made of; I could watch America's Next Top Model and learn to walk in high heels from Miss Jay, the drag queen of life.

So many moods, so many choices. I also regularly tune into the Amazing Race (the reality red-headed step child; so good and yet completely underwatched); Big Brother (really, really, really and I mean really dumb but the best way to pass time in the summer); Real World/Road Rules Challenges, Laguna Beach, True Life, Made . . . oh, MTV, I know I'm too old for you, but I can't resist!

The toss up for me this week is between America's Next Top Model and the show that tides us over between Project Runway seasons, Top Chef.

On ANTM it's time for Miss Jay to teach this season's wannabes how to walk on a runway. Showing up in a fabulous black YSL smoking over a long black column, he struts his stuff on the intro. Of course the girls follow, one by one, and most fail miserably. The scene is worth watching because Jay finally gets a crack at the girl who auditioned with what he called "Daffy Duck come and get it boys" walk. You have to see it to believe it. It's also kind of sad to see that Jade's huge ego has suffered some massive blows-- she seems to be holding back during the walk-a-thon, despite inexplicably strutting down the runway with a massive head-shawl wrap combo that looks like Banneker's 1986 Senior Fashion Show. Ain't no reason, Miss Jade. Ain't no reason.

On Top Chef, it's the clash of the egos. I've always known that head chefs were changeable, moody maniacs whose ego barely allowed their swelled heads to fit in the kitchen, but who knew that aspiring chefs were such utter asses? Stephen the Sommelier (who completely upstages me in the Pretensious Use of French Category, folks, by pronouncing sommelier in French italics and using it, like, every single chance he gets) feels compelled to rip his teammate, Candice the Novice/Model, to shreds right before the start of the challenge. Granted, Candice is no brain trust: "Okay, so you like, know big words and stuff, so what? Just shut up!" and she like, totally, totally, has a point, because Stephen's stupid comeback is: "You will fail and you will not succeed." I mean, WTF? Who are you, wine boy? I'll tell you who-- you're the idiot who suggested cooking melon soup puree for 10 year olds at the Boys and Girls Club! I mean, come on people! The elimination sequence is not to be missed-- egos on parade. I've never seen anything like it.

So if you can catch either one of those in re-runs, I highly recommend . . . but also, since MTV tends to re-run everything in big chunks, if you can catch Kina dishing out some whupass on this Season's Real World/Road Rules Gauntlet, it is NOT to be MISSED. I don't say this lightly-- she is hella badass, y'all. I would not want to meet that chick in a dark alley.

I know it's been down . . .

Sorry folks . . . we've been experiencing some technical difficulties. I have some great content cued up; I just have to figure out how to get it on the blog!

The Latest Hollywood Accessory

Have you seen Failure to Launch? Do you watch The L Word? Okay, have you seen Angelina Jolie lately? What do all of these things have in common? The latest Hollywood accessory-- the cute little unexplained Black kid. Okay, so at least with Angelina there was the big brouhahah and false stories about her snatching her cute li'l Ethiopian child (although why she had to go abroad for a Black baby remains a mystery) from some poor unsuspecting 18 year old who was just trying to give birth in peace. Tell me you're not tired of seeing her toting that little girl around and worrying about who's going to teach her how to do her hair! I feel like she needs a Lustrasilk gift basket. Anyway, it's like we're not supposed to question Angelina on this decision . . . which seems to boil down to creating a cadre of exotic children that will be like Michael Jackson's exotic menagerie at Wonderland.

On The L Word, Bette and Tina are trying to um, create a family that um, somewhat looks like what their kids would look like if that were biologically feasible. Bette picked out the donor-- a huge Black guy who was also and up-can-coming artist, so that the kid would also have her love of all things visually shocking. But wait; now they're on the the rocks . . . Tina's dating a white guy (the "guy" being the shocker on the show). . . poor Angelica has just become a cute accessory that gets cooed over by elderly white people in a restaurant who say to Tina (Angelica's BIOLOGICAL MOTHER!) "our kids adopted too!" And um, no, Tina does not correct them . . . and then later the guy actually tells her that her "past choices are okay" with him. Because you know, everyone makes mistakes!

Finally, we have Failure to Launch, which yes, I know has so many plot holes in it, it's not even a donut. Nevermind the fact that we're supposed to buy that Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker are matched in age (there is nothing wrong with being over 40 and dating a younger guy; just don't pretend like you're not dating younger, and that it's not weird that you're living with someone who is clearly 15 years younger than you, making you somewhat of a candidate for a little life-intervention your damn self!). Nevermind the fact that it was shot all over the South-- Oxford, Maryland; New Orleans, LA; South Carolina; Alabama . . . pick a location and an accent, PEOPLE! The burning question in my head was-- why did good ol' Matt have to introduce the sweet-faced little Black boy with no front teeth as his "nephew"? And why did Bradley Cooper have to turn to SJP more than half-way through the film and say, "hey, it's not really his nephew; you know 'cause he's an only child." That was the weirdest moment of all in that flick, and it made me so happy to be back in DC, no longer seeking the Hollyweirdness.

If you want to see multiculturalism at work, where it's not forced and no one is patting him or herself on the back for being ultra liberal and not "noticing" someone's race, check out Grey's Anatomy. Love that show-- Sandra Cho is my girl, and she's hooked up with my boy Isaiah Washington who is FOINE, and it's really much more about the clash of their personalities and positions and not the fact that she's Chinese-American and he's Black. But they also don't like, skirt it. Or pretend it doesn't exist. Because, you know . . . this is America, where we haven't quite gotten there yet.

i don't think that word means what you think it means . . .

Here we go, here we go, here we go now . . . Welcome to my new blog, folks. I have been thinking that I should get back in the swim and write more regularly; I have been thinking that everyone seems to have a blog; I have been thinking that there are just too many people out in the world who don't realize that I KNOW ALL and they must be educated.

So this is my place to post ideas, musings, some of my writings and a I hope, a lot of commentary from you-- my adoring public!

There are lots of interesting things happening here in DC, and I will try to draw your attention to the issues and ideas I think of as important. There are also a lot of knuckleheads doing crazy things . . . my pledge to you is that I will make a great effort to comment on this behavior and offer opinions about remedies. I do not begin to approach the "Boiling Pot of Rage" status that some of you (and you know who you are) have achieved, but to all the BPR's out there-- I will try to help with the anger management.

Watch this space for more!