Inconceivable!

A place to muse, to write, to laugh and perchance to dream . . . just kidding. Here's your portal to the world as you *should* know it.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Double Standard?

Halle Berry is quoted in today's Scoop as saying that she's ready for a baby, but has absolutely no plans to get married again. She contends that she has no need for a "piece of paper" to legitimize her child, and also adds "My mother was alone and raised me, and I think I came out OK.” Um . . . okay, that could be debatable . . . but okay, yeah, she can make a case for being "okay". That's not what really surprised me in the article. What surprised me is that she then goes on to say that she's paying Eric Benet alimony.

Lemme say that again. She's paying Eric Benet alimony. My stomach dropped when I read that, and I immediately shook my head. I thought about Oprah's anger with Terri McMillan's ex, and the gritted-teeth delivery with which she asked him, on national television, " . . . and what made you think you were entitled to [Terri's] money?"

Do we have a vicious double standard in America? Why is it that I am cheering at the thought of Eddie Murphy finally having to deal with someone taking "half" from him, as he works out the details of his divorce settlement? How come I bristle every time "GoldDigger" comes on and Kanye's entreaty to holla "we want prenup" causes a loud erruption of male voices on the dance floor? But I'm mad that Eric Benet is getting alimony . . . that Nick Lachey, who claims that he doesn't want any, could get alimony because he checked the correct box on his divorce papers?

Why shouldn't men get alimony? Eric Benet is really pretty to look at, and he totally led the crowd in the standing ovation for Halle's tear-streaked Best Actress acceptance speech. Sure, he may have run out that very night for an illicit hookup and continues to deny a sexual addiction problem, but does that make him undeserving of alimony? Think of how many Hollywood jigglebots (TM Papa Burgundy) survive on their alimony payments. It's like a public service in LA . . . JLo's exes get alimony. They probably totally deserve it! Think of all of the tantrums they probably had to put up with. Think of all the events they had to attend. Think of the hours spent getting sprayed with Body Bling. That's hard work!

I'm going to try to be more egalitarian in the future, and weigh my judgements. More power to Eric Benet. Alimony, indeed. Brother gotta support his hooker habit somehow, right?



Saturday, May 27, 2006

O Books We Love!


Taking a short break from the popular culture chat and reality TV addiction, I will actually share some book recommendations. Here's a list of the last ten books I've read (last to first):

  1. Any Place I Hang My Hat, Susan Isaacs
  2. The Constant Princess, Phillippa Gregory
  3. The Last of Her Kind, Sigrid Nunez
  4. Elements of Style, Wendy Wasserstein
  5. Foolishness to the Greeks: The Gospel and Western Culture, Lesslie Newbigin
  6. Girl, Get Your Money Straight! Glinda Bridgeforth
  7. The Negro Church in America/The Black Church Since Frazier, E. Franklin Frazier & C. Eric Lincoln
  8. hokum: an anthology of african-american humor, edited by paul beatty
  9. Queen Bees & Wannabes, Rosalind Wiseman
  10. Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro
And yes, Steven, I've read King Dork . . . see picture above. The other shot, of just Pikachu checking it out, actually made it onto Dr. Frank's website, which has really bumped up her need to hide from the stalkerazzi . . . she can't sit by the window and wait for the squirrels in peace anymore without someone jumping up to get a shot of her. She's been trying to get me to call Jennifer Aniston's people so that we can trade advice about avoiding them.

And finally, on the whole King Dork subject: you must buy and read this book. It's excellent. I'm serious. Go get it, now!

As you can see I have eclectic taste . . .

I highly recommend hokum, if for no other reason than the chapter on "The Wit and Wisdom of Mike Tyson" in which he is quoted as saying, "My power is discombobulatingly devastating . . . It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm." People, the real thing is ten times better than anything the Wayans brothers can dream up! There are other collected writings, speeches and commentary that will make you laugh and scratch your head.

Also really good (thanks again, Uncle Howard & Auntie Agnes) is Never Let Me Go. Ishiguro's style is so clean; it's impossible to read it and not wish to master the art of writing as he has. Read for the story and the style. While I think the theme has been done better by other writers, I couldn't turn away from the book because the amazing clarity of the writing style.

I am actually still reading The Constant Princess, the latest in Phillippa Gregory's historical novels about the most famous Tudor women. The first was about Ann Boleyn, told through her sister's eyes, the second and third are more so about Elizabeth I, although the second was supposed to be about Mary but really showed the conflict between Elizabeth and Mary, and how Elizabeth siezed power and finished the conversion of England to Protestantism. This one is about Katharine of Aragon, and I'm a third through. "Catalina" was never a favorite of mine; I guess because she was suuuuch a Catholic, I have always been intrigued by the fact that she was true royalty, born of the Aragon and Castile alliance between Ferdinand and Isabella. Her mother was a real ruling queen who rode to battle with the Moors . . . she was well educated in her time, and deserves some respect. I of course have always just been way more interested in the scandal of Ann Boleyn and her controversial, Protestant viewpoint.

If you're looking for a good summer diversion, read the Susan Isaacs book. It's not her best, but still contains her signature witty, sharp writing, with fully drawn characters. I still haven't figured out why all of her heroes and heroines have absentee and/or awful surrogate mothers. While it frequently makes for funny moments and great character quirks, it would be nice to see her take a little different path. The Wendy Wasserstein novel was dissapointing to me; her writing style is somewhat stilted, and I couldn't help but think that it just wasn't her milieu. I love all of her plays; this could have been a good play, I think. And yes, I realize it's "unfinished".

Foolishness to the Greeks is one of the texts for the Ephesians class I'm teaching with Johan at the Servant Leadership School. I will go into more detail on this later . . . it kind of warrants its own post, and I'm in the midst of the class.

Next time I will tell you more about what I'm reading now, and what's on my summer reading list.

Anderson Cooper agrees with me . . .

Under "Guilty Pleasures" in this week's Entertainment Weekly he says . . . "I TiVo a lot of shows on MTV-- stuff like My Super Sweet Sixteen that's jaw dropping and mind-numbing . . . On the second season of Super Sweet Sixteen, all the really horrible girls had seen the first season and were trying to top them in horribleness . . . "

Oh, Anderson, you Prada-clad moral compass, you! Truer words were never spoken. The girls and uh, yeah, "DIVO" boys on that show never cease to amaze me with their ridiculousness. But the saddest thought of all is that their parents not only fund these parties, they created the little monsters in the first place.

(I have to grant a huge exception to Cee-lo and his wife. Their daughter's party was recinded until she buckled down and got her grades back up; and they certainly didn't take any crap from her.)

And lastly, because it must be said . . . did Pebbles really have to get an attitude when her son described her as an 80's music star? 'Cause I do recall scheming with Dagian Cooper on her dad's Benz so that we could ride around playing "Mercedes Boy". And uh, yeah, I'll say it. I graduated in '88!

On a serious note, if you look at shows like this and Laguna Beach, which totally sucked me in . . . you can see the crisis we're headed toward with girls in America. WHY do so many parents let their kids be so AWFUL to one another? This "mean girls" crap needs to be nipped in the bud; you can be "Alpha" and still be nice. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Save Britney !


This is really, really, and I do mean REALLY FUNNY:


Losing the battle for Britney: Madame Tussaud's has just released a new wax sculpture of Britney Spears, and the likeness is somehow meant to call to mind the glory days of her pop-music career: Hanging upside down from what looks like a stripper pole, the wax Spears comes complete with animatronic breasts that heave, giving off the impression she's actually breathing. Adding to the creepiness, fans (or just Madame Tussaud's marketers) have launched an online campaign to bring back Britney -- it joins the recently launched Save Sean Preston site -- by circulating a petition to somehow "save Britney ... from herself, from her husband and from her relentless fertility." (Defamer, SaveSeanPreston, BringBackBritney)
Go to the Bring Back Britney website . . . it's too funny . . .




More on my Addiction; More TV Wrap Ups

Okay, you may want to sit down for this one-- I am actually thinking about getting rid of my digital cable box. You may ask, how will the mother of all television addicts survive without 400 channels?! Well, that's what I've been thinking about. All of the shows I really like can be watched without a box! I actually watch quite a bit of network television. There's access to CNN, Bravo, TLC, TNT (all the sudden bustin' out with good programming-- are y'all going to watch Season 2 of The Closer?I highly recommend it!) on basic cable, and I wouldn't get rid of HBO and Showtime (dude, I'm counting down the days til the return of Weeds . . . if you haven't seen this hilarious comedy, you ain't watchin' TV!). I would lose, however, the anger and rage I feel every month when I write my check to Comcast. They are the originators of the LONG CON! My vendetta that began with District Cablevision continues to rage. So, I'll let you know how the wrestling in my conscience turns out . . . The main thing they have going for them is the DVR feature on it; Jilll tells me I'm missing out without the real thing-- TiVo is supposedly ten times better.

Due to a malfunction of said DVR, I had to buy Part II of the Season Finale of Lost from iTunes. You have no idea how angry I was when the damn thing cut off in the middle of Mr. Eko's pilfering of the old-ass dynamite from what I think is slave ship wreck on that forsaken island. Anyway, having finally seen the whole thing, my mind is still in overdrive.

  • Why are the observations from the Pearl station just lying around? What's the point of having those people monitor the Swan and see readouts of the computer activity if their observations go nowhere? What's the fail safe, people?!
  • What's the significance of the magnetic anomaly? Is it really responsible for all of the "healing" on the island? What really happened when the button wasn't pushed?
  • Is it Widmore that connects everyone to Hanso?
  • Who the hell are the Others? What's this "we're the good guys" business? Ms. Klugh/Clue? Mr. Friendly? They were actually kind of sheepishly funny . . .
Finally, I have to comment on how fabulous Sayid, my island boyfriend is . . . love him, even if he can't sail. What is the deal with the abandoned faux tent-city and fake hatch? I'm ready for Season 3 of Lost.

I did watch the Alias finale, and it was good to have some closure, but I still don't think it delivered on the Rambaldi promise. I am still unclear on the whole prophecy, and unsatisfied with the ending. There is a really good essay on Salon about how in the end it's just some stupid sort of sexist mishegas-- Sydney retires to bland paradise with her bland husband (I was always a Will Tippin fan-- he was way more adventuresome than Vaughn, and actually had facial expressions) and mini-me, Isabell, and only occasionally tips out in her pink wig and stilletoes. It's a far cry from the original kick-ass, take no prisoners brilliant girl who opened the series, you know?

Also, the Top Chef Finale totally delivered. I can't stand Tiffani, but I will give her props for that ambitious menu, and I will be trying to make both of the artichoke dishes she presented. They looked so yummy. She did twice the work, presenting a tasting menu of 10 dishes rather than the requested 5 and fell short despite Dave's dazzling dessert duo (Mrs. Razza taught me allllll about aliteration in sixth grade, folks). Harold won fair and square; Jill and I plan to visit whatever restaurant he ultimately opens. I still don't understand Tiffani's "my back just ran into your knife" comment-- how is Harold a backstabber because all four of their peers (including the two who worked with her) voted for him as Top Chef? I don't undertsand her logic! Also, who knew Lorraine Bracco was such a foodie? The last time I saw her in a non Dr. Melfi role on TV was her drunkenly slurred appearance on the Tonight Show . . .

I nominate my cousin Lisa for Top Chef . . . she brings the yummy and the funny everytime she cooks. We're all still talking about the simple chicken and mushrooms in a white wine reduction that she made when last visiting, AND the hilariousness of her attendant commentary.

SO . . . even though the digital box may be leaving my household, I will still keep you all up to speed over the summer, I promise. There is so much coming up!

  • Big Brother All-Star Edition (my cousin Scotty is rolling his eyes, I know)
  • The Closer
  • Weeds
  • Kathy Griffin in My Life on the D-List (HI-larious)
  • Lots, and lots of TLC DIY (now that I'm a homeowner, I have a blank canvas!)
  • Project Runway Season 3?
And I know that my mother is reading this and thinking that this is waaaay too much TV talk, so I will also promise to get you all up to speed on what I've been reading lately, 'cause it's a lot, and I have tons of summer reading recommendations.




What do you think?

The following is an opinion piece from Salon, reprinted in its entirety. I haven't discussed the Duke Lacrosse team with any of you all; it's a a story that I've followed with more than mild curiosity. I have tried to read things that represent more than one viewpoint, but I have also consciously avoided discussions because I know that there is more than one element to the case that pushes my buttons. I thought this essay was interesting . . . let me know what you think.

Duke women not innocent

By wearing sweatbands saying "innocent," Duke's women's lacrosse team is displaying a pack mentality -- and disrespecting women.

By Kevin Sweeney

Print Font: S / S+ / S++

May 26, 2006 | Innocent.

That's the word written on sweatbands the Duke University women's lacrosse team will wear when they take the field Friday at the start of their sport's premier event. (The women's lacrosse Final Four, which determines the NCAA championship, takes place this weekend at Boston University's Nickerson Field.) With the bands, the women are apparently suggesting that the Duke men's lacrosse team, and the three members charged with sexual assault, are innocent.

In court, the specific term lawyers seek from the jury is "not guilty." I don't know enough of the facts to opine on whether that phrase will be read aloud by jury foremen. I do know enough to say it is a stretch to use the term "innocent" to describe the men of Duke lacrosse. Hiring strippers, excessive alcohol use, disorderly public conduct -- those aren't activities one generally describes as innocent.

With a daughter at Duke, I've followed this case closely, and have read the allotment of notes and press releases sent out by the university. I know enough to conclude that the university's administration is failing utterly at one of its stated goals: extracting lessons from this incident.

Duke officials repeatedly told observers to withhold judgment of the players and the university. When a third player was indicted on May 15, senior vice president John Burness said, "It is worth repeating again today that these latest charges do not mean the accused are guilty. That is for a jury to decide." That lesson didn't quite take: The women's lacrosse team decided they are the ones who should determine guilt or innocence.

So much for a teachable moment.

President Richard Brodhead called for reasonable dialogue. I find it hard to believe these wristbands support that call. Consider what it might look like if another team decided to make its own statement by writing the word "guilty" on their wristbands. It would be every bit as presumptuous -- and every bit as inflammatory -- as those that say "innocent." It is not a step toward reasonable dialogue. It continues the blunt use of divisive rhetoric.

Reports commissioned by the Duke administration noted the men's team's pack mentality. In fact, the incident became a national scandal largely because of this attitude. A serious allegation was made, and an investigation commenced. Rather than taking all steps to help reveal the truth, the Duke men's lacrosse team chose to act as one. The district attorney was confronted with a Blue Devil Wall of Silence, built by a team that apparently placed greater emphasis on unity than on surfacing the facts. In the weeks since the scandal broke, lawyers for the accused (and one of the accused and his father) have spent full days working out of the offices of lawyers hired to protect other players who have not been charged.

Here, we see the beauty of team sports, Duke style.

Lawyers of players who have not been accused are offering a steady stream of challenges to the accuser's credibility -- it's the equivalent of "checking" in a lacrosse game. And what lesson has the women's team taken? They apparently have learned that pack behavior is a good thing. They are speaking as one, and are proclaiming the entire men's team, as one, to be innocent. Team unity trumps all.

They also appear to be learning an interesting lesson about symbols and messages. On April 5, the men's coach, Mike Pressler, submitted his resignation. At the time, Brodhead was quoted very simply as saying, "When it was offered, I thought it was highly appropriate." The women's team apparently believes otherwise -- they chose to invite Pressler to a recent team function, asking him to give an inspirational talk.

Finally, there is another element to this story, one that I find heartbreaking. For women who step forward to file an accusation of rape, it is often the hardest thing they will ever do in their lives. By making such a public stand of unity before the facts come out, by saying so clearly that the accused is a liar, the women of Duke's lacrosse team won't make it any easier for other women to step forward. I can only hope that none of them will ever be in such a position -- where they may be a victim, want to step forward, but sense ultimately that it just isn't worth it.

I'm not opposed to team sports -- I loved playing them as a kid and I love coaching them as an adult. It's just that I see sports as a way to develop character, not defend it. Team sports can help reveal the best in all of us -- I've seen this happen countless times. Sadly, there are occasions when team sports reveal an individual's flaws. In those instances, hopefully, there are lessons.

I think it's fine to make statements as a team. For the Duke women, I'd like to suggest a different term: "Respect." It would likely mean different things to different people, and that wouldn't be so horrible. Some might take it to mean respect for the men's team. Others might see it as a request for women to be treated with respect. Others still might see it as a plea to respect the process. I'd look at it with a bit of hope, and a sense that, finally, lessons might actually be learned.



Monday, May 22, 2006

The end of Sweeps . . .

So the regular TV season is almost done. In typical TV-junkie style, I have been obssesively taping and TiVoing all of my shows. The main finales that I'm especially excited about have not happened yet-- Lost, of course; Alias, which is a series finale; and my brand new reality addiction, Top Chef.

On Lost, so far everything everyone has been thinking has borne out-- Michael was sent back by the "Others" to help free the fake Henry Gale. It was great to see the Other's camp, which I still think was a fake me out set to make Michael think that they're something other than what they are. I liked Ms. Klugh's questions ("Has Walt ever appeared somewhere where he should not be?" which is like, the quintessential question for every parent in the universe) and Walt's hyper overacting designed to make us forget to notice his amazing growth spurt. Alas, that's the rub of using real kids on a show that supposed to be taking place in real time. They get huge over night. So I would love to see the group that goes with Michael kidnapped by the Others and subjected to testing that will give some insight to the Dharma initiative, 'cause lord knows the fakemeout Hanso Foundation website that is promo'd during every show gives absolutely no clue about what they're up to!

On Alias, now that its ending, it's gotten back its *ahem* powerful juju (no comments from the peanut gallery!). I actually care about the Rambaldi Cult again, and I'm dying to find out who all these people are-- the Carrier, the Rose, the Ultimate Destroyer-- and I want to see the return of SpyMommy & Daddy, SpyAuntie . . . the finale better be chock full of Victor Garber and Lena Olin one-upping each other, and if Isabella Rosselini doesn't return I will be very, very, very angry. Nevermind that her Italian accent doesn't sound anything like Lena Olin's Scandinavian one and neither one of them sound even remotely Russian. I am willing to suspend my disbelief! And thank goodness Sloane is back to being an angry, evil little man with glow in the dark green Rambaldi glasses. Nice send off!

Finally, Top Chef-- shut all the noise, Tiffani does not deserve to be in the finale. I don't care about her culinary skills, she was not favored in any of the challenges! The performers from Cirque du Soleil's "Ka" show visibily cringed at the selections she sent over to them, complaining of salty, rubbery pork and a seafood salad (crab, blueberry and caviar) that was too fishy. They loved Dave's dishes, and yessssss, he did forget the third so he should have been marked down but COME ON! No one liked her "high roller" dishes (although I'm sure the fact that said rollers were past contestants who totally knew which dish belonged to whom based on ingredient and prep played into that) and no one liked her poker player "finger food" (they had to use forks to eat it adn no one complimented the flavors). If the customer is always right, how did she get in the finals? Lee Anne wuz robbed!!!! And then Dave wuz robbed!!!!! I love Harold.

Oh yeah, and . . . "I'm not your bitch, bitch!"



Mother's Day




We went to the Mayflower Hotel for brunch on Mother's Day. My mother, Grandmother and aunt, Buffa, were the honorees. A good time was had by all-- that's my mother unwrapping her presents from Crate & Barrel; Buffa, Gabi and Josephine the ham; Gramma & Josephine with their flowers.

Yes I know . . .




It's been ages since I posted something . . . I've been working nonstop. I also got a camera for my birthday, so I've been taking lots of pictures of different stuff . . . you get a special prize if you can tell me the locales and significance of all these photos. I also took a class (I tanked, thank you very much), am teaching two classes (don't look so surprised!) and have been spending lots of time with the French Fam. More stunning pix of the Harkless girls will be coming soon-- it's really great to have Joji and Gabi in the same city, not to mention their fun parental units, Buffa & Guy.