What Would Marion Do?

Q. I see you have some sharply divided lines on the Cynthia McKinney issue (see "comments" under "Do you know who I am?!). How would Marion have handled a Capitol Police officer? And would he wear his pin?

A. Unfortunately the Congresswoman was forced to apologize. I say unfortunately, because as you all know I've been warming up my cell-phone-throwing skills since it seems to be a growing cultural phenomenon (see "Hold the Phone"). The brouhaha begs the question, though, what would Marion do if a Capitol policeman stopped him short as he tried to circumvent the metal detectors and head to his office? Would he have thrown a phone, or better yet, a punch? Would he have staged a sit in? Would he have inspired the citizenry of Washington to stage a major protest and support rally on his behalf?

All of the above are semi-plausible reactions from a man known to take action because, as you know he and I are both fond of reminding you-- he's a situationalist! For those of you unfamiliar, the exact quote is, "I'm a situationalist. I see the situation, and I react accordingly." Don't sleep on MB.

The actual answer is: none of the above. Those of you who remember the old metal detectors at the 13 1/2 Street entrance to the District Building must also remember one thing: the strong strided strut of Marion Barry's entrance to said building, which also always, always--no matter who was accompanying him-- included one thing. "How you doin' Fred, man?" and big smile and nod for the police guards who were there at the entrance to protect the building from another takeover like the one early in his career that resulted in several bullet wounds, including his own.

So, while I think that if Marion Barry was ever elected to Congress (I don't think Eleanor is really worried about this one) he would revert back to the Dashikis that made him famous, and he probably wouldn't wear his Congressional pin all the time. He would, however, know the name and face of ever single Capitol policeman assigned to protect him, because, as he is quick to point out, his "good ass-kickin foot" is starting to wear out.


Feel free to submit questions for future "What Would Marion Do?" colums. Management will review and sort submissions . . . and we reserve the right to edit for content and humor.

Because Quickie Celebrity Weddings ALWAYS Have a Happy Ending

Aniston Faces Tension Over Wedding Rumor

By Associated Press

Tue Apr 4, 9:48 PM

NEW YORK - Silence. Awkward silence. That was Jennifer Aniston's tightlipped response on Tuesday morning's "Today" show when asked about the latest rumor that Oprah Winfrey is planning to host an $8 million wedding for her and beau Vince Vaughn.

The moment grew still more awkward when Aniston's "Friends with Money" co-star, Catherine Keener, weighed in on her behalf. "I thought you weren't going to go there," she told entertainment correspondent Jill Rappaport. "But you did."

"It's frustrating because those rumors do get out there," replied Rappaport.

Earlier in the interview segment, which also included co-star Joan Cusack, Aniston said she gives interviews to promote a movie, not her personal life.

"It's the other stuff...," she said, scrunching up her face in reference to the yearlong headlines involving Vaughn, ex-husband Brad Pitt and other personal topics.

Rappaport explained she was curious about the wedding rumors, saying, "When you hear about an $8 million wedding, you'd like to be invited."

"And now you won't be," quipped Keener, drawing laughs from Rappaport, Aniston and Cusack.

"Friends with Money," a drama about four women whose varying degrees of success put a strain on their relationships, opens Friday in limited release.

Whitty Hutton redux

This is just odd. Really . . . Tina Brown, an admitted crackhead, has this to say about her sister-in-law:

Whitney Houston's decline continues: This week's National Enquirer runs more dirt on poor, messed-up Whitney Houston. The tabloid contends that when she's on crack, Houston "takes part in lesbian sex, chases any man who comes into her house, and locks herself for hours on end in her bathroom to use her vast collection of sex toys." The source is the same as in last week's drug den revelations, Houston's sister-in-law Tina Brown. "She locks herself in the bathroom and you hear the 'Vrooom!'" says Brown. "She smokes some crack and says, 'I gotta go.' You know what she's gonna do. It's constant. She be in there for hours, and then I have to call out, 'You all right?' She'll say, 'Yeah,' and she can't talk. Her voice is so hoarse." (National Enquirer via Paris Hilton)

How much are they paying her, and how can I get in on dishing weird things about famous people?

82 days down . . .

Eminem & Kim are getting divorced, again. After 82 days. Say it ain't so!

Do You Know Who I Am?!

Weighing in on the whole Cynthia McKinney story . . . I have to ask: Do you recognize this woman?

This is a little bit of a conundrum. I think it's fair to say that I'm someone who is known to change her hair on occasion. I think it's also fair to say that I don't always benefit from people recognizing me, and on those occasions I have often been told, "oh, you changed your hair!" And well, yeah, I do kind of have memorable hair (see pic, above right . . . and that was before it grew out to its current out of control status).

That said . . . what is up with the Capitol Police? What happened? Cynthia does not strike me as a scarves-and-vaseline kind of girl, you know? If it was that rabble rouser Hillary Clinton-- you know she'll cut ya-- I could understand. But seriously . . . what is the deal here? What do you think really happened?

This is a prime candidate story for What Would Marion Do. . . come back on Friday.
To see the complete story go to today's

Washington Post

I won . . . I lost

Well, I may have won the pool, but we lost the game . . . was it worth following my heart for March Madness? Absolutely.

Keeping me up nights

Okay, so the map that was on the back of the blast door on "LOST" has been keeping me up nights. I am incredibly thankful to my nerdy love of Latin because when I finally found close up images of the map on the net I recognized some of them as commonly used phrases, and others I realized were quotes from other works that are fairly familiar e.g.:

1. Aegrescit menendo: the remedy is worse than the disease (anyone remember this from Sedition?);
2. Sursum corda: lift up your hearts (some smartasses on TWOP referenced DC)
   
3. Malum consilium quod mutari non potest: it's a bad plan that can't be changed (I got this one after some struggling, but my skills are coming back)
   
4. Malum non fidit atra: even evil is afraid of the dark; I can see the case for mus udit non fidit atro, a mouse does not rely on one hole, as well.
   

Anyway . . . who drew the map? How? When? Why can you only see it during lockdown with black lights? Why was there a lock down? How often does it happen? What"s the disease? Who is Henry Gale, really? Is he an "Other" or is he part of the DHARMA initiative? There are so many questions, and ideas and things . . . just when you think it's getting boring they go and do something crazy like this. I've never been obsessed with decoding a mystery before . . . and it's fairly rare that any of my Latin skills are of use. Thanks Mr. Curran.